A Bangus teen’s need for speed and questionable grammatical shortcuts has landed him in hospital recovering from an injury sustained after nineteen hours of obsessive Twittering. Shayne “Twitter” Craiges from the lower block of Main Street South suffered severe nerve damage to his right hand and third degree burns on his lower spine when he spontaneously combusted in a Tim Hortons coffee shop. According to witnesses, the victim had been texting furiously then laughing aloud as he read his Twitter posts.
Witness Danny Trotts, who wished to remain anonymous reported: “The kid was sitting there and his fingers were just tapping like crazy. I smelled smoke and the next thing I know, he’s screaming and his hand was on fire. He got up, started running around in a panic, slipped and fell back onto a bag of swords that this one guy had beside his chair. I think that’s how he hurt his spine.”
A spokesman for the Northern Maim Unit has told Bangus that Craiges did lose twelve of his fingers and is being treated for the spinal injury.
About Pecore
- Kevin J Pecore, ESQ
- He is not a man with tremendous upper body strength and has never been to Moscow, although he hears good things. Pecore wrote his first novel at the tender age of sixteen-months, not yet talking and refusing to walk. The 4000 plus page novel - The Fisherman’s Ennui, published by a back alley operation was universally panned by pretentious literary critics as a "sloppy mess of bullshit, run-on sentences and mixed metaphors". He states that he is a “humour writer”, although many do not find his work particularly humorous at all. The End.
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