Church of Bangus Now Offering Instant Online Redemption and Free Hammers

Hello there. Yes you! Have you been bad? No? You're lying. We know you have been bad. Maybe even worse? Do you strut around with a neck brace for no reason. Not sure if this is a sin? Are you feeling a little guilty? Ever shot a whale in the face and wish you could just start fresh? Turn the page and that whole deal? Well, it’s okay. At The Bangus Unitarianism Church for Misfits, newly paroled Pastor Jeb is back under the frock and is pumped to provide instant absolution to anyone. Confessing has never been easier. Just follow these easy steps:

1. Shout out your confession, like the rank, terrible deviant sinner you. If you got more than six hundred you may have to log out then log back in a few times.

2. After you have bared your soul, lay your sinful hands over our professionally photographed PASTOR JEB to have your penance telepathically sent to you (must have DSL). Pastor Jeb hears all and keeps meticulous notes.

3. Get on with your live.

Best sins will receive a public whipping and a free hammer from Marvellous Wayne’s Sexy Hammer Hut.

Last month's winner: Harold Danes from Fort Pierre.

"It has been twenty six years since my last confession and twenty nine years since my last visit to the dentist. I’ve been collecting my neighbour's mail for him because he’s an invalid. I’ve been throwing out his Hydro bills to see how long it would take for his lights to go out. It got cold one night and he froze. I feel like I'm partly responsible, but since laying hands on your picture, I know that I'm cool with the Big Man."