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| All is welcome. Please bring Wendy a gift. |
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Bangus has Lenny for one night only for Wendy's Confirmation
Tired of high ticket prices for shitty movies?
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| let's all go to the lobby, let's all go to the lobby, and so forth and so on... |
Hey. I don't go out much for a million reasons. But Eli Roth drew me out. Piranha 3D. For me, two kids and wife, it cost over 50 bucks just for tickets. But I was in way too deep. I rationalized the obscene ticket prices with the argument that it simply costs more to produce movies using all that cutting edge bullshit. The movie was fine, but the 3D added nothing to it. All it did for me was give me a pulverizing headache. 3D is a bullshit money grab. Amen and holy shit.
Rees Goes Back in Time to August 17th 2010 - A much simpler time and so forth
Where: London, UK
Lady Gaga is currently suffering from a sexually transmitted disease that leads to her creative impulses leaking from her genitals during intercourse. Doctors in London, UK now fear that the disease has spread to British performer Elton John and he may be losing his creative forces through unprotected sex. Said one doctor “He really hasn’t done anything good since Benny and the Jets”
The tiny African nation of Kenya is making leaps and bounds in women’s equality according to a survey conducted last month. The rate of Women-owned business improved to 15% of businesses while the incidence of savage domestic assault declined to only 80% of households.
Where: Asia
Moviegoers in Tokyo Japan will soon be able to enjoy a 3D pornographic film when shooting is completed in a few days. Viewers will be issued special 3D goggles to view the action. Those opting to view the hardcore version will also be given a gasmask and raincoat.
Where: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Officials at the Rio de Janeiro samba parade say that they have asked police to charge a samba dancer with decency. The charges specifically state that the dancer’s private parts were covered with items larger that a post-it note and that the peacock feathers inserted into her behind were less that 7m long and 5cm thick.
THE BANGUS BOOKISH RERUN BOOK OF THE DAY
WILLIAM GOLDING
LORD OF THE FLIES (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH LORD OF THE RINGS DANCE FLIES)
I ate this huge turkey roll and had seven beer then went right to bed because I had to get up early for work. I had a bad sleep. I kept dreaming of terrible, terrible things. One was being stranded on an island without any cameras following me around or lawyers asking me to sign disclaimers and waivers. Do you see where I’m going with this? There’s a shitty television series on this whole deserted island and many writers have tried their hand at the ‘stranded’ vibe, but no one comes close to William Golding (namely because he died in 1993).
William, this one’s for you big fella! Here’s the deal with Lord of The Flies: A plane carrying young British preps crashes into a tropical island, presumably shot down as World War II wages on in throughout Europe. Kids are scattered everywhere. They come together to form alliances and enemies and everything goes to hell rather quickly. So, who do we have here: there’s Ralph - the smart, levelheaded natural leader and then there’s the clumsy Piggy. Then there’s this other kid, shit, I forget his name, anyway, he gets tired of listening to the level-headed Ralph and forms his own hedonistic militia and lets go with the wild times. Jack, yeah, I think that’s his name. He’s a bit of a nut. He bands his troops together and rips off on some weird rampage meanwhile everyone hears weird shit in the jungle. The young population of the island degenerates into an uncivilized lynch mob and blood is shed. It’s that age old story about what happens when people are stranded on a desert island without their ten favourite records. But, alas, they get rescued and there is some morale floating around. The Simpson’s did a version of this book with monkey butlers and Nelson playing the psycho.
Okay. Here’s how it starts: The boy with the fair hair lowered himself down the last few feet of rock and began to pick his way towards the lagoon.
Here’s how it ends: The officer, surrounded by these noises, was moved and a little embarrassed. He turned away to give them time to pull themselves together; and waited, allowing his eyes to rest on the trim cruiser in the distance.
LORD OF THE FLIES (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH LORD OF THE RINGS DANCE FLIES)
I ate this huge turkey roll and had seven beer then went right to bed because I had to get up early for work. I had a bad sleep. I kept dreaming of terrible, terrible things. One was being stranded on an island without any cameras following me around or lawyers asking me to sign disclaimers and waivers. Do you see where I’m going with this? There’s a shitty television series on this whole deserted island and many writers have tried their hand at the ‘stranded’ vibe, but no one comes close to William Golding (namely because he died in 1993).
William, this one’s for you big fella! Here’s the deal with Lord of The Flies: A plane carrying young British preps crashes into a tropical island, presumably shot down as World War II wages on in throughout Europe. Kids are scattered everywhere. They come together to form alliances and enemies and everything goes to hell rather quickly. So, who do we have here: there’s Ralph - the smart, levelheaded natural leader and then there’s the clumsy Piggy. Then there’s this other kid, shit, I forget his name, anyway, he gets tired of listening to the level-headed Ralph and forms his own hedonistic militia and lets go with the wild times. Jack, yeah, I think that’s his name. He’s a bit of a nut. He bands his troops together and rips off on some weird rampage meanwhile everyone hears weird shit in the jungle. The young population of the island degenerates into an uncivilized lynch mob and blood is shed. It’s that age old story about what happens when people are stranded on a desert island without their ten favourite records. But, alas, they get rescued and there is some morale floating around. The Simpson’s did a version of this book with monkey butlers and Nelson playing the psycho.
Okay. Here’s how it starts: The boy with the fair hair lowered himself down the last few feet of rock and began to pick his way towards the lagoon.
Here’s how it ends: The officer, surrounded by these noises, was moved and a little embarrassed. He turned away to give them time to pull themselves together; and waited, allowing his eyes to rest on the trim cruiser in the distance.
From the Foreign Affairs Desk of Chris Rees
Top 10 countries as determined by Bangus FA. I like these places but haven’t visited them.
Thailand – Some bars serve “Pina Colada’s”
Vietnam – Gary Glitter got arrested here for child molestation – good policework
Central African Republic – used to be an empire (cool)
Korea – has world’s sexiest girls
Uruguay – because it’s so close to sounding like “Paraguay”
Australia – deserts, kangaroos, crocs, it’s got everything
Leichtenstein – punches above it’s weight - see tax haven issue
Andorra – totally obscure country
Conga – it suffered a lot last 10 years so it got my sympathy vote
Iraq – with apologies to Bush haters
Top 10 world problems as determined by Bangus FA.
Israel Palestinian problem – They’ll blow up the world someday
Al Qaeda – bloody terrorists
Dearth of good TV emanating from USA – Friends was the death of TV
Haemorrhoids – believe me it’s a problem
Global warming – Just thought I’d put it in. Al Gore is a wanker
Feminism – we hope for hate mail from Germaine Greer.
Low Birth rates – some babies grow up and work for a living
Socialism – see babies, above. There’s just not enough tax revenue
Food riots – not enough bread getting to some countries
Corruption – Most world governments are corrupt. Even Obama a little bit.
Top 10 music acts in world history
Radiohead – best rock band ever
Rolling stones - all the drugs and sex anyways
Mitsou – sexy vote
4 minute – a Korean all-girl band with Jiyoon (ooh la la)
Beethoven – really dark and moody genius who was also deaf
Bach – “ahh Bach” thought the God Emperor of Dune
Vivaldi - see “Vivaldi Winter” on Youtube
Ramones – Punks on glue and pizza
Tang Dynasty – not a soft drink, it’s a top Chinese rock band per wikipedia
Filmi- most popular music in India as per wikipedia
Top 10 TV shows of all time according to impact on world culture
Monty Python – the funniest TV show ever
Top Gear – UK TV show about cars. Goes around the world and is lots of fun
World Cup Soccer – most watched except for Cricket I think
Sopranos – rated best by The Guardian. Worldwide phenomenom
Gilligan’s Island – castaways meet headhunters
Friends – popular in Asia but I don’t know why. Hate it personally
Simpsons – hugely famous worldwide. Personally I’m sick of it.
Survivor – famous throughout the world, started in Sweden
Jade Phoenix – top Chinese show about a phoenix made of jade
MTV – the Indian version. Not the US version. It’s top in India
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
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