Our Tuba Player Has Died. He is Irreplaceable and Must Be Replaced Immediately!

Bangus Records LTD is holding open auditions for a talented tuba session player for the Bangus County Discount Jazz Quartet. Dusty Latrine, the noted northern tuba player has died and the world mourns his loss. Please no questions about this. The investigation is still in its infancy. The successful candidate will own tuba and a reliable mini-van. Email photo of you and your tuba to thegreattubesearch@gmail.com. Serious parties need only reply. We don't want anything to do with oboe players, so you oboe players don't even bother.