“He stole my heart then pillaged my small village”
MATTAWA, ON—Mary Magdelarmealx married Murray Kahn, the Happy Mongolian. Murray does not have a surname. It’s just ‘Murray’. Mary has graciously offered up her maiden name for Murray. Murray says he’s related to both Kublah and Ghengis Kahn. He showed ID at the reception. No one questioned him because he was swinging a sword around like a maniac.
The blessed event took place under an azure sky on Mattawa’s historic Explorers Point where the snaking Mattawa River tumbles into the frigid Ottawa River. At least this is what the postcard says. Basked in sunshine and a fellow playing Greensleeves on an acoustic guitar, the happy couple were joined mostly by her family and a small group of curious well wishers, and witnessed by Three Crosses
A short reception followed at the Mike Rodden Community Centre. The carnage began at six when Murray pillaged the town. He left 600 people mangled and looted the town’s only liqour store before setting fire to the fire station. He was apprehended after a nine hour foot chase that took him into Quebec. He is currently fighting extradition. He attributes all the mayhem to his deep seeded fear of commitment.
“Everything just happened so fast. I guess I got cold feet a little too late.”
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