Q: Thank you for taking some time to speak to us here at Bangus, uh, I mean Maclean’s.
A: Thank you so much for inviting me. This is really a beautiful town. Such magnificent mountains and hard working people. It’s really nice to be here at the Maclean’s offices. I must admit, however, that I thought Maclean’s was based out of Toronto. What’s the name of this town again? What is that smell exactly? Am I still in my riding?
Q: No. You’re far from home, friend. So, enough crap. This is not Maclean’s and no one here gives a shit about responsible journalism. We take sides here at Bangus so let’s cut to the chase. Under your party’s leadership, postsecondary tuition has more than doubled, taxes have skyrocketed, regional unemployment rates have risen to levels not seen since the 1930’s, funding for the arts has been scrapped and there has been a cloud of controversy over your travel habits which some have called ‘exorbitant and offensive’. Everything’s becoming privatized. Your popularity has bottomed out and has you lower than CBC primetime ratings. What’s your general sense of how the country is doing? Please stop smiling like that; it’s really kind of unnerving.
A: Well, I think when you take the time and look back, our track recorder speaks for itself. You must take a broad view of the current political landscape and keep things in proper perspective. This way it becomes apparent that we as a nation — a nation firmly rooted in the, uh, soil and founded on the backs of hardworking regular folks, have been faced with unprecedented challenges and further you’ll see that in these times of armchair political punditry and the partisan rhetoric it’s time to look to the future and see what happens when we all work together and failures of past appointments are failures of the system and I am about progression not regression and that since coming to power, we as a country have made significant headway while paying special attention to those issues that we take very seriously and that affects us as hard working people with an emphasis on family values and that if you’re not part of the solution you are part of the problem with fiscal complacency taking a backseat to the poor work ethics and remember, our achievements are not just achievements for us as glory hounds but achievements for hardworking people and I never impregnated that woman in Lethbridge and I think a paternity suit will show that she was pregnant before I met her and money ear-marked for those high risk offenders and especially those who think the legalization of so-called soft drugs are those who would have you believe that whatever happens between consenting adults is perhaps best left to the wise man who said that there’s no room for the government in the bedrooms of Canadians.
Q: Wow! What a spectacular load of bullshit, sir.
A: I am entitled to my entitlements, and I’m for progress.
Q: Outstanding!
Posts
