THE WORLD OUT THERE ACCORDING TO MISTER REES

Where: Europe

What: SARKOZY PICKS HIS NOSE!

President Sarkozy of France had his bust made yesterday by a Paris Sculptor. The Sculptor, Francois Hands allowed President Sarkozy to choose from several noses that were prepared by M. Hands. “I like the big one” said Sarkozy as he choose the one that will be placed on his bust.

 

Where:See below

What: JEWS GET OUT OF PALESTINE, GO BACK TO GERMANY AND POLAND!

Two Jewish men returned to their homes in Europe after a brief visit to Palestine. Menachim Reubens flew back to his family in Dusseldorf Germany after a stay in Tel Aviv to visit his mother. Another Jew, Meier Goldstein, was in Jerusalem to visit a holy site and will be back this morning in Warsaw, Poland. Both men told Bangus they enjoyed their stay in the Holy Land.

Where: Asia

What:  NEW RECYCLING IDEA!

Researchers in China have discovered a new way to recycle beverages. The system involves consuming the drink first and then recycling it afterwards using the original bottle. Scientists believe this could save consumers billions! Al Gore is interested and has promised to personally test the drink himself.

Where: Africa

What : NELSON MANDELA UNLIKELY FOR WORLD CUP

Sports writers at Bangus have determined that Nelson Mandela will not be playing in the world cup due to age and injury. Mandela told reporters: “My knee hurts and I’m 80 years old! How do you expect me to play in the world cup?” Indeed South Africa coach Alberto Parreira has not even considered him for a position. “No he’s far too old” said Perreira. The tournament is called the “World Cup” because teams from around the world play in it. Canada did not qualify but Argentina did even though they’re a bunch of cheaters. See picture below.

Where: South America:

What: CARMEN MIRANDA'S MELONS ARE FAKE

For over 90 years Carmen Miranda has delighted tourists to Rio de Janeiro with her dancing singing and outrageous costume made up of pieces of fruit. However, investigators at Bangus have concluded that Miranda’s melons and other fruit are fake. Miranda has even admitted as much. “Did you think they were real? You must be joking! No woman in the world has melons this big.” Miranda’s melons weigh an astonishing 20 pounds when weighed by Bangus experts.

Where: North America:

What: MELLONVILLE MAN SPENDS NIGHT IN JAIL

A Melonville man was arrested for having an outstanding parking ticket and was unable to pay the outstanding amount after being arrested by Melonville police. Since he was unable to come up with the cash, police cancelled the ticket after the man stayed in  jail all night.