Hey. So you like your cat, eh? Sure. Just look at him. He’s purring and licking himself in the privates. You’re a cat person. And hell, why not? Cats are independent and have that coolness about them - that aloofness. Your kitty projects that aura of “you want me to what? I don’t think so. Now, leave me the hell alone.” You, as a committed cat person, delude yourself into thinking that it is this very feline character that draws you to your cute little kitty. After all - your choice of pet is a personification of who you are. Right? Sure. Who needs a dog that wants nothing more than to smell his own ass during every waking moment when he isn’t drinking from the toilet? Ah, but your cat - Charlie Doogan - he makes for a good companion. But, remember and never forget, while you’re casually stroking Charlie Doogan or Gutser or whatever you’ve decided to name your kitty, he’s itemizing all the different ways he can manipulate you and possibly do you serious mental and bodily harm. It’s the ultimate psychological checkmate. So just wait. It may not happen today or tomorrow but rest assured, your Canadian cat wants you Canadian dead (or at the very least, mentally crippled!) Don’t buy into that ‘playing with balls of wool’ bullshit.
Cats make people do terrible things. The evil Colonel Wilhelm Klink had a cat named ‘Fraü Mew-Mew.’ The guy who shot Abe Lincoln had a cat named ‘Thadeus’ and even Mark David Chapman had a kitty named ‘Allen’. Coincidence? Maybe. But both Ann Murray and Michael J Fox have cats and both are quite sinister characters. Bangus is not suggesting you do anything rash, like hire Mississippi Gary to come and snuff your cat, but just be aware. If you feel like something bad’s gonna go down then by all means contact Bangus and we’ll take care of the rest. Discretion and confidentiality assured. Remember, your furry Canadian kitty-kitty may not want you completely totally dead, but he sure wants you out of the way.
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