Poo Poo Bandit Rattles Bangus Residents

BANGUS COUNTY - Three feces-squirting theives are being sought after a daring daytime poo heist of a gas bar on the county's east end. Armed with only plastic bottles full of sprayable ka-ka-poo-poo, the bandits managed to escape with nine dollars, some scratch'n'sniff tickets and some beef jerky. No shit. True story.