Mail Bag

Dear Bangus Online - I’m a professional hand model but since losing both hands while playing through the mini-putt windmill, the jobs have dried up. My agent, Jonathon Brush, says there’s just no work for a handless hand model with no hands. Do you have any positions open? My typing isn’t what it once was but I have a real positive outlook on things.

(Ed. You had us sold until you mentioned that you had a positive outlook on life. That turned us off. Sorry).