WHERE: GRANDE RONDE OREGONGrande Ronde Oregon
WHAT: DEATH AND $2.99 PRIME RIB
A 67 year old man died of a heart attack while playing slots at the Spirit Mountain casino. While his body lay right there on the floor of the casino the other customers continued to play the slot machines. 65 year old gambler Tina May said: “I couldn’t come to help him as I was feeling lucky that night.” Spirit Mountain Casino is open 24/7 and offers free sandwiches as well as coffee to visitors. Come join the fun at Oregon’s best Casino!
WHERE: GLENDALE CALIFORNIA
WHAT: MICHAEL JACKSON COMEBACK
Undertakers at Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale, California say they believe Michael Jackson will be making a comeback this year. Judging by the late superstars’ burial about one year ago, experts believe the singer has about three feet to go.
WHERE: BEIJING, CHINA
WHAT: BULL IN CHINA SHOP SPARKS UPROAR
A bull in Fong’s china shop located in Beijing, China sparked an uproar when he suggested that Mao Zedong was a stupid arse. Customers at the shop were shocked and a spirited argument ensued resulting in a tranquilizer dart from police to bring the argumentative bull down. This is the second time Fong’s shop has seen an altercation. Yesterday over 50,000 in damages were racked up by a Greek wedding party.
WHERE: AFGHANISTAN
WHAT: TO GET NEW SEWER SYSTEM
War-torn Afghanistan is expected to get a new sewer system sometime in the next 12 months. The existing system, stretching from downtown Kabul to downtown Kabul is in bad need of repair and local residents had been complaining about the stench.
WHO:WAYNE ROONEY
WHAT: VOTED UGLIEST FOOTBALLER
England soccer star Wayne Rooney was voted the ugliest soccer player of the South Africa world cup. The trophy will go alongside his 2006 trophy for worst drunk and his 2007 award for smelliest armpits. Rooney has yet to clinch the award for wife-beating but says he will get in better shape for the 2010-2011 season.
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