Bangus Meat Loaf Impersonator Shot Nine Times in Face! Police Treating as Accident! Family demands justice! Public Remains Indifferent!
BANGUS COUNTY—Spruce "Meat" McKinlay Jr. is in Bangus General Hospital where he remains in critical condition after being shot nine times in the face with a 22. calibre rifle. McKinlay, a local agitator, is no stranger to the local constabulary and sources within the Bangus County Mountain Cops Detachment confirmed to Bangus Online that McKinlay Jr. has a lengthy record having been arrested in the past for distilling corn liquor, impregnating countless cougars, eating fire without the proper permits, and shaking down school kids for their lunch money. Last Saturday, police were called when snoopy neighbours heard shots fired from the mountains where McKinlay had organized an illicit high-stakes of Jenga™ “the blockbuster of all stacking games”.
When reached for comment, McKinlay had no comment as he was busy getting buried. The police have closed the case citing gross incompetence.
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