Bangus County, ON — The inaugural Miss Google Eyes Pageant was held in plush Palomino Lounge in beautiful downtown Bangus. The brainchild of local optometrist and convicted serial arsonist Wayne Chills, the pageant brought out the local celebrities as well as the near sighted, farsighted, colour blind and the curious. Inside, 6 contestants competed in such events as Jenga, nude darts and drinking beer through a funnel. Outside a small group gathered to protest what they claimed to be the perverse and crass objectification of the visually impaired.
“It’s disgusting, barbaric and just plain ridiculous” one woman told Bangus Magazine. “Bad eyesight is serious.”
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