HOORAY FOR CELIBACY Bangus Online is proud to present Agnatha Esthers - former Inco Queen of 1936.

BANGUS COUNTY—Circle June 15th on your calendar. No calendar? What are ya? A pagan? Ooops. Sorry. Well, that’s still no excuse. Go find someone with a normal calendar and circle the 15th with a big red marker. Don’t even tell them who you are or why you’ve just barged in on them to deface their calendar. Why all the hub-bub? Well, only because on June 15th, noted Canadian celibacy advocate and handgun enthusiast, Ms Agnatha Esthers, will be performing her one-woman play at Bangus Headquarters in beautiful sunny downtown Bangus County. The stop is part of her Hooray for Celibacy (Sex is for Sickos) World Tour. Esthers, hailing from Sudbury, Ontario, spent her formative years underground preaching the virtues of celibacy and selling green apples to surly coal miners. She has written 43 books to date all on why celibacy is the way to go.

Celibacy has been good to Agnatha Estheres. Her books and plays have earned her an express lane to a Swiss Bank in Cobalt. But with the “gimme-gimme eighties” and promiscuity of the “anything goes” nineties, celibacy has been considered a bit of a joke, especially among people who were having sex up to seven times a day. Now, with the sudden “hipness of virginity” spearheaded by Hewie Lewis, Esthere’s back in the limelight with her universal dream. Her books have been out selling Dr Phil, Eric Brown and Moses combined and her earning leverage is now quite formidable according to her booking agent - Blind Robi McTell who has booked her “From New Orleans through to Jerusalem.” Her Q ratio is through the roof, says McTell who winks as he speaks which seems an odd habit for a blind man.

Estheres (we don’t know really how old she is) now calls a reddish adobe style ranchero building in Las Vegas
her home (“The dry air helps in my preservation”). She will hit the makeshift main stage stage at Bangus HQ
at 298 Main Street at 8:00 am promptly. After which, sandwiches will be served with some refreshing soda.
Tickets are going fast. Call to pre-register. All those in attendance may choose to remain for a open forum starting at 10 pm or leave and have sex somewhere much to Agnatha Esther’s chagrin.